Saturday, May 22, 2010

Another Phone Call

We were out celebrating Mr H's birthday last night when I got a call from "Restricted." It was the facilitator. An expectant mom wanted to talk to us. Were we in a place we were could call her? We ditched Mr H's friends and work buddies and ran over to his office to call.

The mom, I'll call her LA, had spoken to a family the previous night but wanted to speak to us too. She'd spoken to them for 1.5 hours. I was oddly calm. It was kind of like an out of body experience. We spoke for 45 min. She has a child already and wants to do right by this one. She's just in place where she is getting her life together and doesn't think it's fair to the baby, her older child or herself to try and raise this one.

The call was great. She asked us if we wanted to be there for the birth. How much openness we wanted. How she'd like to meet before the birth.

I called the facilitator afterward. Told her I'd thought it went well. Gave her a few details. (All left on her voicemail). She called me about a half hour later. Said LA had reported she really liked us but she'd asked to talk to another family. C and LA are supposed to talk again today.

Now I feel like I f'd up the phone call. LA didn't want to talk to Mr H. Maybe I should have insisted. I didn't ask her a lot about herself (C had already told me lots...I didn't want to interrogate her). I didn't tell her how much i really really want a baby ( I didn't want to pressure her).

UGH. I hate popularity contests and this is what I feel like this is.

NOW I know "the right baby will find Me" and "the Lord works in mysterious ways" and all that but DANG! Why does this have to be so hard? Isn't infertility and barrenness enough?

SO my bloggy friends...Please keep us and LA in your prayers and thoughts and anything else you do or believe. I think we all could use it.