Saturday, July 17, 2010

Out of Body Experience

Talking to the emom is like having an out of body experience. I hear myself talking to her. I hear her telling me she wants us to parent her baby. I hear her saying she wants to give her child the life she can't and she wants to give me the child that I can't conceive.

I can't believe it's true. I'm excited but I'm cautious. We've told 2 friends. That's mostly because Mr H is in a different hemisphere and I'm in full freak out mode. I can't imagine how he's feeling. Luckily he's exhausted from the time change and I don't think he's dwelling on it like I am. I know he's excited and cautiously optimistic too. He's just not the one that's here..making the calls, getting calls from C etc etc.

I have let myself look at baby stuff online. And I've dug the baby quilt out of the hall and intend to get back to embroidering it.

How did you all handle this phase - if you're fortunate enough to have made it to this phase? When did you know it was official? Was there paper work to sign? Commitments to make legal? I hope we'll know more Monday or Tuesday.


  1. I felt the same way when we got the call and things moved forward. You wait and wait and then when it happens, it just doesn't feel real. It's like all of those hopes and dreams of having a child that you've tried to tell yourself aren't important, all of the sudden come to life and you realize that you feel hope for the first time in a long time.
    I knew it was official when we started filling out legal paperwork and met the birthmom face to face. It got really real, really fast.

  2. Our daughter was already born, so we skipped the match-waiting time. One day we were just us, the next day we were parents. That was a real trip in itself. Surreal and out of body is right!

  3. Congratulations! There are so many different things depending on your state when its official but its official in your heart the second you hold your baby!

    Prayers for you and hubby and emom!

  4. Yes! I know this exact "out-of-body experience!" You put it perfectly. My husband and I are going through this right now. Very excited, but... dazed? Can it really be happening?

    By the way, CONGRATULATIONS! I look forward to hearing more about how your baby comes to you =)

  5. congratulations!! it felt pretty "real" through our 3 month wait from the time we were matched to the time m was born...BUT ~ i didn't count on it being official until those precious TPR papers were signed!! :) anything can change before then, but....enjoy this time and be excited!!! you deserve it!!! :) sounds like she is committed to her plan and has thought it out ~ isn't this feeling amazing??!!!! :) so happy for you!

  6. Yes, what the others said, all of the legal paperwork and commitments happen after the birth. The next step would be a match meeting if you are planning to meet and start a relationship with the birth family. It varies by state, but we spent the time hiring a lawyer for the birth family and then working out paying for their expenses and establishing expectations for the birth (who will be where in the hospital, etc.) and beginning our open adoption relationship with them. Hope everything goes smoothly and quickly for you!

  7. Over from L&F. Congratulation on your match.

    I was lucky and had a good relationship with the birthmom right from the start and felt pretty good about the situation. I just decided to enjoy this time. Infertility had denied me so much already, I was darned if it was going to take away anything more.

    I just decided if she decided to parent, I would support her anyway I could, including giving her all the stuff that I'd purchased. I knew she would need it. It was a long distance match and I'd never seen ultrasounds or connected with the baby in any way, but I did have a connection with the birthmom. Once I met my daughter for the first time, it would have been extremely difficult, had she changed her mind, but I would have followed through on my plan. It's good to have a plan in mind if she decides to parent, but my advice is to enjoy the excitement of expecting a baby.

    Best wishes!

  8. Best wishes, congratulations, and good luck! I hope that this works, that all goes well, and that in a few short months you'll be bringing your child home. Slightly green with envy and thrilled for you!