Insomnia

I was awake most of last night. I would almost be asleep and then I would think of something about the adoption and then it would be over. The main thing that kept me awake is that I don't have any clue about baby names. I had a couple I liked but I couldn't think of them last night (at 2 am). So then I kind of freaked out. A sampling:

"how can I possibly be a good mom if I can't remember what I wanted to name the baby?"

"why does it even matter it's not like we're ever going to get a baby anyway"

"hold up dipshit! The power of positive thinking, remember?"

"You're going to get a baby and you're going to pass the test"

"Why dn't you quit pissing and moaning! You haven't been waiting very long! Have some compassion for your friends!"

....and on and on and on. Then once I DID get to sleep I had another crazy dream! For weeks now I've been having very vivid crazy ass dreams! Last night I was Bridget - from the original Girls.Next.Door. Hef wanted me to give him one last "hummer" before I moved out. He was all naked and sitting at my desk - that's right we weren't even living in the mansion we were living here! I begged off saying I'd just put a peppermint in my mouth. Luckily - and this is hard to say as an insomniac - I woke up right then!

I gotta figure out what I ate before I went to bed and not do it again!

BF Termination notice

I saw one in the paper last night. My mom said they're in there a lot (which i think is weird in a town of 6,000). I never read those legals things so I hadn't noticed. I was very happy to see it because I didn't really understand what it entailed...and now I do!

One down

So it's one month (and 5 days but who's counting) since our profile went active. I wonder how active it really is? We're not supposed to check with her until month 2. I've been trying not to think about it. I've joined a yahoo group of women that are involved in another project I'm involved with. They spend a lot of time talking about their children (mostly little ones) and I'm feeling left out. I haven't really felt like that before. Two of them have newborns. One struggles with infertility. One is a know it all. One's husband it getting a vasectomy and another is getting her tubes tied. I would never do either of the last two. (I realize I couldn't get a vasectomy lol). I tried to make the point that you never ever know what is going to happen in life and that fertility is fragile. One said "well we're just going to have him freeze sperm". Like it was a simple solution. I again tried to make the point of frozen sperm = IUI or IVF which does NOT always = baby. Talking to brick walls! I have a couple of friends that always ask how the adoption is going. That makes me happy that they ask.

Honest Scrap Award

RB at Baby Mac.... where are you....recently (well not so recently lol) honored me with the Honest Scrap Award. I'm just not getting around to following up with it.

Here's how it works:

There are three rules for this award:

First, link back to the person who gave you the award (see above)
Second, give the award to 10 other bloggers.

Third, list 10 honest things about yourself.

Yikes!

I'm going to struggle with the blog awards since I read the same blogs as most everyone else!

1. Evergreen - I've been inspired by her story. It's taught me to be realistic but not bitter.

2. Allie - they're going the private adoption route....something I was too lazy or too much of a wienie to do.

3. BP - a new (to me) blog I'm reading. They're on the adoption journey, too.

Ok onto Honesty (gulp).

1. I'm worried about managing the dog, teenagers, and the baby and Mr. H being gone on business.

2. Feet freak me out. Don't touch 'em, don't talk about 'em and for goodness sake don't post pictures of them!

3. I hate blogs that have music.

4. I'm terrified to retake my certification exam

5. I've sent secrets to PostSecret

6. Bon Jovi is my favorite band EVER

7. I'm worried that our birthparents will regret making an adoption plan or feel that they were coerced

8. I could live on mashed potatoes and gravy

9. I'm bad at waiting

10. I'm a planner. The unknown of adopting is uber difficult for me.

Advertising

I got an email from C today with a spreadsheet showing the # of ads she has dropping in yellow pages each month. In the next year she'll have 1700+ yellow page ads! I think that's good news! We're also finally posted to her website.

I also saw in my hometown newspaper an ad for a couple looking to adopt. So good luck Steve and Jenny. This paper is in a town of 700 people though I don't know what their circulation is. My friend, Katy, works for the paper. Maybe I'll call and see if she has any "scoop" on the ad.

Not much is happening here. The kids are home. It's the second week of school. Mr. H is away on business but is supposed to get home tonight. The four of us are going to Chicago to the Harry Potter movie exhibit at the museum of science and industry this weekend. I've got free hotel room nights (on of the few perks of Mr. H having to travel). We'll probably also hit the Lincoln Park Zoo and the new Nature museum (both free).

I've been having baby dreams which is weird for me. I usually don't. Mr H seems to hate every name I like. I guess I've been pushing the adoption to the back of my mind. Seems easier than dreaming. speculating, and planning.