Friday, February 5, 2010

A Year Later

So it's a year since we decided to adopt. What has happened during that time? We've spent a lot of money, filled out a lot of paperwork and that's about it.

I sort of feel like our time is coming but mostly I don't. I used to be excited about it but now I'm must blah. I honestly don't think about it that much at all. I CAN'T! I hate being vulnerable. I hate not being in control. I hate not having a plan.

There's a family reunion in CA in June. We're going. Well, now I'm going maybe. Mr H doesn't want to take the vacation time because we'll need that paid time when the baby comes. "WHAT baby" was my reaction. He's an optimist. I'm a pessimist.

We're old(er). Maybe we never should have done this. We should just be saving and looking forward to retirement and not be selfish and want something we (I) can't have.

I wish the damn sun would shine!


  1. I am feeling much like you lately. In fact, I posted something similar on my blog today. It's been 8 months since we've been homestudy approved and we don't have much to show for it. As time goes on, it just seems like the hope fades. I, too, feel very "blah" about it lately. It feels like it's never going to happen. I get tired just thinking about getting THE call, waiting for the social/medical history to review, maintaining a relationship with someone for what could be several months (never knowing if she'll change her mind at any time), going to the hospital, waiting for her to sign the paperwork and coming home with a baby. It just doesn't seem possible to get through all of those hurdles. Sorry that I'm being such a downer but I know how you feel and I'm right there with ya!

  2. Funny you should write about this because I was thinking of a similar post...more about how long do we have to be at this? I just wish this process (the waiting) would be over.

    I do think that you should continue to live your lives, i.e. travel. I understand where your dh is coming from though. Right now, I'm planning to book our annual vacation in May for our anniversary...I'll probably wait until April to do that, but I don't want to cancel our much-deserved vacation for 'what if'.

    Hope you get your call soon. Hang in there.

  3. Chin up... things will work out. Have you considered international adoption? No "choosing" involved (I couldnt handle the waiting)
    I added some Marie-isms for you- sorry Ive been a slacker. My blog was posted on a UA adoption blog and I didnt want people to see how wrecked my MIL is, but then I decided, screw it :) She's always here for a good laugh... and everyone needs one of those...
    Thinking of you and praying time flies...

  4. I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time lately. I think it's like falling in love...just when you quit looking, you find "the one." I think that when you are at the point that you give the process over to God and recognize that you are totally out of control and that you can't do anything to make it go any faster on your end...THEN the wheels start turning and every thing falls into place. You just have to get to that point of, "if it happens, great. If not, I'll live.." like you do when you're hunting for Mr. Right. Sounds like you are there! Don't give up hope, though. It's worth every minute when you are splashing water in the tub with your little one after they have "discovered" their feet or laughing at their funny faces when they try rice cereal for the first time...not to mention the heart-melting "first smile." Hang in there...


  5. It must feel like forever. I think it's good that you are not thinking about it everyday. And I would say re June - make plans! Nothing is worse than not making plans then having the time come and go. Better to cancel because baby is on its way.

    This may be annoying to hear, but I want to tell you, that when you are holding your baby, it will all be worth it and the wait, while anguishing, will become irrelevent. We didn't wait long for our adoption, but it was a month shy of 5 years from when we first started trying to have a baby. And when Pinecone arrived, it was like "what wait?"

    I didn't always like hearing that while I was waiting, but sometimes I did, so I am putting it out for you if you want to hear it. Hang in there.

  6. I agree with Erica. I'm coming to believe it's a Zen thing...stop looking, stop counting the days, live your life to the fullest in the meantime, and it will find you. When it does, I am sure it will be worth it.

    Nevertheless, speaking as an almost-41-year old wannabe adoptive dad, I know exactly how you feel. Time is passing, we aren't getting any younger. Why does it take so long? As this rate, I'll be ready to retire when my kid is getting out of college.

    Good luck and stay strong.

  7. The crappy thing about adoption is the (sometimes) super-long "gestational" period. I'm sorry that you have been waiting so long and that you are feeling down. are not being selfish by wanting to be a parent! You are just trying to fulfill your dreams, and that's a dream that everyone should have a right to. Stay strong, and just keep on keeping on! One day at a time, right? My blog is titled "Life Is Now"...and although I am looking forward to adopting in the (probably distant) future, I try to live each day to the fullest. It's not easy though, let me tell you!

    Hang in there! Sending you some sunshine! :)

  8. Hi, Mrs. H,

    Chris' wife here (the Chris from two comments above...)

    "Ditto" to what he wrote and to Jodi's wonderful comment as well. I couldn't have said it any better.

    Stay strong.

    Best and peace...

    P.S. Thanks so much for your lovely comment on my Jan 24 "Living healthy..." post. Good luck with your "Lighten Up Iowa" project! And remember 5 pounds = 20 sticks of butter. Way to go on the eating right and exercise!