Thursday, August 5, 2010

And it continues

Shit! I thought the waiting was the rough part. The matching is almost worse. High highs and low lows.

We've got the emom in an apt. We can pay for it until 6 weeks after the birth. We're paying 4 months worth of rent! The utilities are included. We're planning to go and see her over Labor Day weekend. She was in an unsafe situation so we've now paid for a week and a half of hotel until we could get her in the apt. At least I'm getting points. I haven't heard from her in 2 days. The lawyer couldn't get a hold of her either. panic. The laywer texted her. someone texted back saying the emom had left the phone in her car and she'd return it to her after work. I wonder if that's true.

We've found out some stuff about the emom that she didn't intend for us to know. It's stuff that is or will be part of my son's life/past. It will hurt him i'm sure. It's not horrible but it's not ideal by any means either.

AND i have to say i'm really annoyed with people asking me questions about the emom.

"does she have kids?"
"is she educated?"
"why is she giving him up?"
"is she with the father?"
"does she know who the father is?"

It's hard for me. I'm a very open person. But it's none of your effing business.

Being matched is kind of like dating. You really like the person but you don't want to seem to eager. They've said they like you (but do they really mean it?) Should I call? Why haven't they called? If i call will that annoy them and put them off? I wonder if they're ok? and on and on and on. I may need some drug therapy! Today I opted for a bff and margarita therapy!


  1. First of all, I am so happy for you that you're matched and I have to say BRAVO! for your attitude about people's questions about emom. I felt the same way (still do!) about our daughter's birth mom's past and story. It's not ours to spread around. And you're right, being matched is in some ways worse just because of the stress :)

  2. As I look back on our journey I realize that the waiting part was easy....when we became matched there was no turning back. It became crazier as time passed and some days I felt I would completely lose it. Adoption is messy! When you are holding your little one....all those memories will become dim and you will know that this is why you have endured. Hold on....the best is yet to come!!

  3. Good to hear from you! I have been wondering how everything is going. I like your analogy to dating, it's spot on.

    As for the stuff about someone else having her phone, we had similar things with Evie's birth parents and I think it's all normalish simply because many people come to make an adoption plan for their child because they have too much chaos in their lives. If she were able to keep her cell phone with her and answer it promptly, it might mean her life was organized enough that she would be able to parent, so thinking of it that way might help relieve some of your stress? (((hugs)))

  4. Good to hear an update. Good luck with the process...I'm hoping time flies quickly for you. (hugs)

  5. Yes, yes! The questions! I am VERY open about telling people that we adopted Charlotte. And on one hand I want to raise awareness about adoption. But it AMAZES me the questions that people ask.

  6. I agree with M...once you're matched, you realize how safe and easy it was during the wait. The questions will always come up, but the good thing is that you are the one to decide what and with whom you share with. I'm more open with family than I thought I would be...but I want our families to know that despite our daughter's bmom's circumstances, she made a difficult and brave choice. And I always want her viewed in a positive light.