Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Highs and Lows

I've been reading adoption websites, forums, blogs etc. They all say that there are highs and lows. Well, I've gotten to experience that today.

We had a conference call with an agency today. The number of families they serve sounds reasonable. The number of adoptions/infant placements they had last year sounds reasonable. Everything about it sounds good. I'm excited! We're signed up to attend an orientation next Wednesday. It feels good to be doing something. To be making some kind of progress. We already have their info packet on international but we've decided to go domestic. She'll email us the packet.

I get home tonight and Mr. H has forwarded me the link. I'm so excited sitting down to the computer to check it out.

This agency is not going to be for us. Their fees seem very high especially when it says that the money is used to help all pregnant women who contact them and not just those who decide to make adoption plans.

Plus it requires a letter from our pastor or priest. We're Christian. We've both been involved in our churches previously. We moved. The pastors have changed. We haven't found a new church home we're both comfortable with here. So already we are out before we were even in. Now, five hours later I've gone from excited to having a migraine.


  1. How discouraging! We had a similar experience getting excited about international adoption and then reading the fine print and finding it wouldn't work for us. Because my personality is "solution generator" here are my takes on your dilemmas: with regard to the fees, it is considered ethical for agencies to provide free counseling to potential birth parents that is paid for by adoptive families, so if the agency DIDN'T charge fees to cover that counseling, even for people who decide to parent in the end, they wouldn't meet ethical standards for the domestic adoption community, so don't worry about that, but it could be that they are charging exorbitant amounts for the counseling and that is another thing entirely. If they are charging you more than $5,000 for the birth parents' home studies and counseling I would be cautious about the agency, especially if it's not a non-profit. As for the religious aspect, that is annoying but many adoption agencies have religious affiliations and we almost went with one like that where you have to sign a statement of faith, etc. I think that if you explained your situation to the agency and got a letter from one of your previous pastors, if you can find them, you'll be fine. Especially if you join a church now, get involved, and have your new pastor write a letter saying that you've just moved there and are new to the congregation...if I were you I'd just join a church that is acceptable to you both, even if it isn't a perfect fit, while you continue to search for a church home, because that should placate the agency. But you're right, adoption has lots of highs and lows, so I hope some of the highs are in your near future!

  2. Thanks for the great suggestions and your support, Karen!