Random Thoughts

Hey everyone! We do still live and breathe over here (and squirm and shriek and giggle and cry). Heath is doing awesome although he has a hacking cough currently. Hopefully, it's a cold and not allergies. The pollen count is out of control in these parts.

• I'm really working to get him to say "mama". I will be crushed if he says "papa" first. Mr H has already had 4 chances at that. This appears to be my only chance.




• Heath's birthmom has lots going on. I'm concerned she's going to move and we're going to lose contact with her. i try to write things down for and save pictures she posts for Heath in case that does happen.




• I see she's sold the bed we bought her - which of course is her right, it's her bed but I'm annoyed because getting the damn thing was a three week and very costly drama last summer.




• Heath is allergic to fruit. Every single thing I've given him has caused blotches on his face and head. We'll try again in a few months.




• He's eating 1 to 2 containers of Gerb.er stage one veggies a day. He's still drinking probably 40 oz of formula and is having a handful of puffs.




• He loves to stand and to bounce. Of course he can't do any of those unaided.




• MC hasn't asked for a visitation and she's got so much going on right now that I don't think it's a good time. I'm not sure if I'm the one that should suggest visits or if it's up to her. I realize there's no rules or guidelines. It's kind of like with Mr H's kids' mother I don't feel it's my job to enforce visits with her. ugh.

Practically 7 months old

Jr is practically seven months old.

I can't believe it!

He sits up on his own (sort of).

He eats squash, sweet potatos, peas, and appears allergic to bananas.

His two bottom front teeth has broken through.

He's the light of my life.

I don't know what to say. I'm just being a parent. I don't think about the adoption all that much. I tell him about his birthparents. I wonder about his birthparents. I try to decipher their FB stati (plural of status). I cringe when I get an email from them because it's usually a plea for money. I did send her a phone card last month. I helped her to find local resources to help her out. I did not give her cash like she requested repeatedly. She told me she loved us anyway.

I can't make her make good choices.

I think about the type of relationship we have. I don't know what it is. I send her updates and pictures monthly. She asked for videos of him. I took a bunch and sent them today. She doesn't share much - which is her right. I wish I knew more about her. Things I could tell her son. She's not a letter writer or an emailer or much of a talker (at least with me). Truth be told I don't think we have much of a relationship.

So these are the things I do think about. It's draining. I know she misses him and loves him.

I read a birthmother blog today where the write posted that she believes adopted parents realize that the child is never "fully theirs". So now I'm ruminating on that.

I know this is all over the place. Maybe because I'm out of practice.

5 months old

March 1, 2010

Dear Heath~

You are 5 months old today (well, yesterday – but there was no February 29th this year so it's today). You continue to delight and amaze us!

You're sleeping through the night almost constantly. We give you a bottle around 5 or 6 pm and put you in your jammies (most of which you are quickly outgrowing!). Between 7 or 8 pm you fall asleep for the night.We usually don't have to get up with you until 430 or 5 in the morning! The pack and play is still in our bedroom so you're very easy to get to!

The exersaucer is your favorite piece of equipment. You can pull the things to make noise and music. You love to lurch back and forth in it while throwing your hands up in the air, squealing and smiling. Today, I thought you were going to flip it you had it rocking so much! You've just started to laugh occasionally. It's the best sound in the world and squeezes my heart!

You HATE to miss anything. You're constantly looking around, craning your neck and twisting your body to follow the puppy, papa, me or Nicky. When it's time to go to sleep you fuss and cry while rubbing your eyes and kicking your feet. It goes on and on and the POOF! All the sudden it stops and you are conked out. Pulling your blanket, lovey, or bib up over your face and eyes is a favorite thing to do. If we dare to pull them down or move then away from your face or mouth you wake up and glare at us! It makes us laugh everytime.

We've tried giving you cereal for a month now. Horrified is the best way to describe. I managed to capture your expression on film. It's priceless! Although, you love to eat, cereal is not cutting it. Sometimes with your bottle you're eating 8oz of formula. You've just started pushing the bottle away if you're not interested or jamming it back in your mouth if you want more.

I've been calling you “rootie toot toot” because of how gassy and stinky you are! Sometimes the puppy will even leave the room – and he LOVES stinky stuff!

We finally got your social security card in the mail. The next step is to go and get your passport. You and I went to the photographer here in town to get your passport pictures taken. The photographer said they were the cutest baby passport pictures he'd ever taken in 25 years!

Your birthmom loves you and misses you. She called the other night to make sure you were o.k. (you were). She said to give you “lots of loves”.

We need to measure and weigh you again. It seems like you are much bigger (and longer) all of the sudden.

Heath, you are such a delight. We love you to pieces! We can't believe you've been ours for 5 months already!

Love,

Mama and Papa

Heart Sick

I knew it was going to happen at some point. I just knew.

Over the weekend I got a FB from MC asking for money. They "have no one else to turn to". They wanted to borrow $100 until they get their tax refund.

Mr H was gone. I decided to ignore it. I was (and still am) nauseous about it.

Thank God our adoption is final. I can't imagine the panic I would be feeling if it weren't.

Hours later I got a text from the birthfather asking if I got the FB message.

It's almost a week later. I haven't heard anything else from them.

They entrusted me with their child for life. How can I say no? But how could I possibly say yes?

Have any of you been in this situation? What would you do? How would you react?

A First!

Somebody slept through the night for the first time!! Well, it was 2 nights ago because he did it again last night!

We put him down (gosh I hate that phrase)(i grew up on a farm - there "putting down" is NOT good!). So we put him to bed at 830pm-ish and he slept until 6 am the next morning! He did it again last night. You'd think I'd have gotten a good night's sleep but the opposite is true. I kept waking up wondering why he wasn't waking up. And if he wasn't waking up was he still alive??

He was :-)

He's four months tomorrow.

It appears (from FB) that his birthparents got married. They've been together for a long time but they seem to have a love/hate relationship. I hope it works out.

I've been thinking alot about a second child. The thought of going through all the paperwork (and expense) is too much. I wonder if that will change as we get further away (and once we get our tax credit). Things are tight right now.

Mr H calls the baby "Little One" but he's calling the dog that, too. It makes me laugh!

Reflections

As I held Heath today feeding him I was overwhelmed with waves of love. Love for the sweet little, slobbery round headed fellow clutching the front of my shirt and my pinky who was making contented sighs as he gulped down his bottle.. For his birthmom MC who I think about daily and follow on FB. She has so many good things going in her life right now. I'm very happy for her yet sad that she's missing out on all the smiles and coos, and slobbery gummy laughs of our son.

Soon he will be 4 months old. The Dr said then we can start him on cereal with his formula. I can't imagine. He's growing up so very very fast. I love this smiley happy stage of his life. I've learned though that leaning him in for a kiss can quickly get my covered in spit up and other stinky goo.

Adoption is such a weird and wonderful thing. I'm so glad we have him. I know how much I love him. I can't imagine him not being here and being a part of our lives. I can't imagine how MC and C must feel with him gone.

His birth certificate came. We are listed as his parents. It's his original birth certificate. I'd expected that we'd get an original with their names and then have to get an amended one. Apparently, that's not how it works in their state.

Getting a SS # so far has been a nightmare. Part of it is because the adoption is already finalized. Now I have to get copies of his medical records to prove he's alive. Having him
with me doesn't count. Nor does his birth certificate count as an id. The SS guy asked what I had as an id for him. Hello!! He's 15 weeks old. It's not like he's driving. I'm going to try it again on his four month dr appointment. Looks like I'll be taking the day off.

3 months old!

He smiles til the preflash goes...then i get this grumpy look!

They're getting used to each other! I call this "Two Poopers on the Couch"

I love this hat! He's not really ever very grouchy, though!

Heath was not too sure about his first bath fully in the sink. He had been just laying him on one of those giant sponge things and scrubbing him off that way. He's longer than the sponge now, however!

Here's my little chubba lubba on his 3 month birthday! He's unofficially 18.5# and 25 inches long! He doesn't have another doctor appointment until Feb 1.

His birthmom and I recently came to the brilliant idea of her tagging herself in FB pictures that she wants! It's been way easier than guessing which ones she might like.

I am so happy to be Heath's mommy! I cannot believe how quickly he is growing and changing! It's really too bad the waiting didn't go this fast :-)