Talked to a Birthmom!

Omgosh! I just talked to a birthmom on IM! It was surreal. What do you say? what do you ask? We chatted a little bit. She asked if we were with an agency or what. I explained to her what a homestudy is all about. Then she goes, "I'm going to be honest. The reason I chose adoption over termination is financial."

I replied, "Well, I'm new at this but I know our state only allows certain expenses to be paid".

She replies, "Ok, well I gotta get going."

And she was gone!

I don't feel bad about it. I'm actually excited because it means the things I've done to get us "out there" are working! I mean who know if this chick is actually pregnant or anything else but it give me hope!

Now, onto my interview. It was fine. Actually it was a waste of my time. Almost three hours of it. We have to meet with her once more. She has some things she needs to discuss with both of us. Plus she wondered why I hadn't given her the kids' medical statements. Um, maybe because you never asked for them? So now we have to get that done, too.

The next step is the reference letters. She's going to send them to some of the people we suggested but she likes to find people on her own, too. She wouldn't tell me what questions she was asking in the letter. I inquired what if they don't get returned. Will she let me know so I can remind them? Nope. Not telling me who she sends them to.

We should be done with all this stuff by the end of may. yay!

My Interview - I

My interview is today at 2. I'm going to her so at least I know I will be on time. I asked Mr H if I should be nervous. He said no I should be careful and patient.

"Careful?" I asked.

"Yes" he replied, "you know she's going to ask some crazy stuff and irritate you and you're going to need to remain calm". LOL. Does he know me or what?

I will be so glad when this is over and we can move onto the next thing.

Garage Sale Haul

We went a little crazy at the town wide garage sales on Saturday. We got all this plus a changing table for under $40! I ended up throwing the barn out because it was in crappy condition. I was just in some sort of buying frenzy when I picked it up!

The haul includes:

2 baby hats
10 sleepers
5 footed sleepers
2 sleep sacks

10 onesies (long and short sleeved)
5 bibs
a pair of cookie monster overalls
a hard book, a quilted book (I can't believe someone sold it), a sack of baby spoons, a baby quilt for me to cross stitch, plus a formal dress for C for her spring concert, a clock, a phone, an awesome pair of binoculars (a steal at $5), and a jar of strawberry jelly!

I LOVE garage sales!!

And it happens again....but never to me...or the people I know

SO....When I was talking to my sister yesterday she said "everyone around me is pregnant". I replied, "Oh really? Who?" She names two or three ladies and then says, "and there's one more but I can't say anything for a week." Well, it turns out it's this friend of hers who I know. She has terrible PCOS. They did all sorts of procedures on her so they could do IVF but the damage/disease was so much that the doctors wouldn't even attempt an egg retrieval.

They adopted two boys through foster care. The boys are half brothers. The youngest one is three. I think the older one is seven.

She hasn't been feeling well. Finally went to the doctor. He says "when did you last use birth control?" She replies, "1999." yup! spontaneously pregnant. I should be happy for her but I can't say that I am.

Kids' Interviews III

SO I emailed the SW to see if I needed to send her a check. She said I could just payer her for all of them ($100 each btw) when I do mine on Tuesday. I'm going to her for mine so at least I know what time I'll be there!

She did say in the email that the kids "were nice young people". That gives me much hope as this portion of the homestudy is what I was most freaked out about. I will need to pray for patience and the holding of my tongue on Tuesday because I KNOW she's going to say some crazy stuff that is going to set me off. Speaking of which.....

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????

First, I went to a conference yesterday for Continuing education hours I need for a certification. Well it was only 6 hours of CEU's and I need 10. I've emailed and attempted to call a variety of people to confirm this information. When I get there (after a 2.5 hour drive for a conference that starts at 7:45 a.m.) I find that unless I am working in the field as the director - not as an assistant - I don't need the CEU's. I also find out that since I took the initial certifying class I wouldn't EVER need to take it again even if I don't maintain the CEU's yearly. I was mad mad mad! Why couldn't anyone give me this answer ahead of time?

Second, there was a woman in my certifying class that none of us could stand. She passed me on the interstate. I thought "oh crap". I get to the conference. I set my things down (there are about 125 ppl attending this thing - lots of places to sit), I run to the restroom. When I come back guess who is seated 2 spots over from me? Yup, HER! (disclaimer - this doesn't really fall under the what's wrong with people label)(but it was still annoying!)

Third, as the conference begins the woman in front of me and one spot over is giving herself a manicure. We're talking clipping, filing, and painting!

Fourth, the woman in front of me starts brushing out her hair in close proximity to my water glass! Throughout the day she continues to mess with it. Fluffing it, flipping it, and trying to get it to stay in her barrette! Repulsive!

Fifth, the 4 women behind me were in a continuous yapfest! Shut up! I can't hear the speaker! I tell the guy next to me "I feel like I'm schizophrenic!"

The day ended well though. It was a gorgeous 85 degrees out. My sister and 3 year old nephew drove to meet me after the meeting. We went and played in the park. Then we went for a ride in my "great big truck" and got ice cream. My nephew was disappointed that we couldn't "peal out" in town like we did at grandpa and grandma's farm last time he was home.

I'm sooooo ready to be a mom!

Kids' Interviews II - OMGOSH~

I cannot believe it! The SW just up and left when she was done talking to C. I had taken N to soccer practice. I was gone 15 min. I yelled hello when I got back . I put stuff on the dining room table (they were in the Living room). I THREW the dog toy into the living room. The dog chased after it.

20 min later I hear the front door shut. I thought, hmm maybe she and C went outside so C could show her something. About 5 min later I think it's awfully quiet. I go and check. C's shoes are here. The SW's car is gone. She just left. I didn't pay her. We didn't reconfirm my appt for next week. I go talk to C. They didn't think I was here so she left.

I cannot believe it!

Kids' interviews I

So this time the SW shows up at 1:10 proclaiming, "At least I'm not early this time! I'm soooo sorry for being late". Um yeah. The appointment is at 1:30. The kids aren't home from school yet.

I'm thinking we're going to have the homestudy reviewed by someone to make sure it actually covers what it is supposed to and our future child isn't taken away because she's a dingbat.

Mr H's interview

Mr H had his interview today. Mine is next week. Our SW continues to be a crazy. Evidently she has an endless supply of cleft-palated, club footed rape produced babies. UGH!! I may be wrong but isn't the reason we can check our preferences of what we want and don't want is because they are OUR PREFERENCES?? Does she think we are taking or making these decisions lightly?

His interview took almost 2.5 hours. He said it was tedious and grueling. Evidently she offhandedly mentioned that our FBI checks came back clear. I'd think something like that would warrant an email.

She interviews the kids here tomorrow. I'm having issues with the teens again and am scared to death they are going to sink this ship before it even sails.

And the Craziness continues

I have a friend, T who is getting married later this year. She's 30. We were chatting last night and she said her fiance wants a baby right away but she wasn't sure. I launched into my crazy infertile mode... "You really need to be aware of your fertility and you need to protect it". Then I went into a discussion (kinda one sided) of cervical mucus. I told her I would have lent her fertility for dummies if I hadn't thrown it out in a fit of anger lol.

She took it very well. She prob thinks I'm nuts. Oh well.

Picking a lawyer

We have a conference call with a top adoption lawyer today. Our SW says she gets lots of birthmom's contacting her since the word is out that she handles adoption. Also she's in a university town so I'd think that would help the size of her "pool".

We also have a lawyer friend who has heard nothing but good things about her and was very impressed we were seeking her out.

We love love love the lawyer we used during our custody trial but she doesn't do adoptions.

plodding along we are!

Dear Birthmother....

What in the world do you say? I actually think I have a handle on it but I think it's too long and dry and boring. My goal is to get this (Mr H is helping) and our profile done then take my stinking exam over again. I missed passing by 4 - FOUR - points!! I guess that's not so bad but it still involved crying.

I can only deal with one huge life changing bit of stress at at time. Therefore, I'm concentrating on the adoption currently!

Check out my poll - I think the scrapbook would be more personal but I think the photobook would be more polished and easier to mass produce!

Are you Kidding me??

SO today's the day of the homestudy. The kids are off school for Good Friday. The boy has Flu Strain A, I have the end of sinus infection. Mr H made the wise decision to stay home and help me finish getting ready for the visit.

I got lunch going EARLY so I could have it served and cleaned up before the 12:30 pm visit. As soon as I got those two things accomplished I would jump in the shower.

11:35 we're sitting down to lunch. I think I hear my phone ringing in my spotless boudoir. I miss the call. I call my voicemail. It's the SW, "Hi I'm running a little late. I'm so sorry. I just outside of town". WTF?? Are you kidding me?

Mr H and I jump up. Instruct the kids to let her in. We run into the bedroom. We're ripping off our clothes (like they haven't been ripped off in years). We're both still in our grungies. Neither of us have showered let alone brushed our teeth. I've spent the morning cooking, vacuuming and doing dishes! We barely got dressed and brushed before she was here.

She spent 10 minutes looking at the house. She spent 2 hours wandering off the subject at hand. She looked at our insurance policies and updated debts and assets. We set up the formal interviews for the four of us. She said she didn't see any sort of problem so far. Then she remembered to ask what kind of child we would consider.

Then my tongue started to bleed. I was biting it so hard. I said I wanted 0-3 months. She tells us it's virtually impossible to adopt an infant. She's seen the statistics. We tell her we aren't interested in a child that is a product of rape or incest. She asks, "why not rape?" I give her my reasons. She proceeds to tell us to think about it. At this point I start losing my hearing I'm getting so pissed off. I do hear some phrase that ends "all men would rape given the chance" or whatever that quote/line of thinking is from 50 years ago. In my notes I have written, "pissing me off!" I ask how many rape babies she's placed. She says lots in 35 years. I say "how many is lots? 10? 20? 50?" She replies, "Oh way more than that."

What a day. What a dingbat. I've checked there's no complaints against her. She is (or has been) at one time very highly regarded. I just wanted to knock her wig off.

Oh yes, she's also warned me of the dangers of the Internet.


I can't remember the other idiotic stuff she said.

Individual interviews start next week!

From one stress to another

Yesterday I failed my professional licensing exam. Friday is our homestudy safety/meet the kids visit. Today Merry Maids arrived. I had them clean everything except our bedroom and the kids' rooms. I had the kids work on that over the weekend.

I've spent today working on our adoption website/birth mother letter/profile and in between cleaning our DISGUSTING bedroom. I have no idea why my dog is NOT bald! The dust oh my gosh the dust. It's nauseating. I have one of those bagless vacuums. I grew up in the 80's GAG ME WITH A SPOON! I just don't think I can vacuum any more tonight.

Oh and I got to go to the bank and pull out our insurance policies and mortgage agreement for the SW to look at.

Then I looked at the wall coming down from the upstairs. Grubby hand prints of teenagers. Too bad I don't have time to repaint it. I hate to paint. Plus it's in the foyer so the wall is like 20' high (only painting part of it would look like crap)(I mean worse crap than it currently does).

Does everyone get this psycho before the first home visit??