SO today's the day of the homestudy. The kids are off school for Good Friday. The boy has Flu Strain A, I have the end of sinus infection. Mr H made the wise decision to stay home and help me finish getting ready for the visit.
I got lunch going EARLY so I could have it served and cleaned up before the 12:30 pm visit. As soon as I got those two things accomplished I would jump in the shower.
11:35 we're sitting down to lunch. I think I hear my phone ringing in my spotless boudoir. I miss the call. I call my voicemail. It's the SW, "Hi I'm running a little late. I'm so sorry. I just outside of town". WTF?? Are you kidding me?
Mr H and I jump up. Instruct the kids to let her in. We run into the bedroom. We're ripping off our clothes (like they haven't been ripped off in years). We're both still in our grungies. Neither of us have showered let alone brushed our teeth. I've spent the morning cooking, vacuuming and doing dishes! We barely got dressed and brushed before she was here.
She spent 10 minutes looking at the house. She spent 2 hours wandering off the subject at hand. She looked at our insurance policies and updated debts and assets. We set up the formal interviews for the four of us. She said she didn't see any sort of problem so far. Then she remembered to ask what kind of child we would consider.
Then my tongue started to bleed. I was biting it so hard. I said I wanted 0-3 months. She tells us it's virtually impossible to adopt an infant. She's seen the statistics. We tell her we aren't interested in a child that is a product of rape or incest. She asks, "why not rape?" I give her my reasons. She proceeds to tell us to think about it. At this point I start losing my hearing I'm getting so pissed off. I do hear some phrase that ends "all men would rape given the chance" or whatever that quote/line of thinking is from 50 years ago. In my notes I have written, "pissing me off!" I ask how many rape babies she's placed. She says lots in 35 years. I say "how many is lots? 10? 20? 50?" She replies, "Oh way more than that."
What a day. What a dingbat. I've checked there's no complaints against her. She is (or has been) at one time very highly regarded. I just wanted to knock her wig off.
Oh yes, she's also warned me of the dangers of the Internet.
I can't remember the other idiotic stuff she said.
Individual interviews start next week!
Social workers a kind of nice
15 years ago
Oh, wow! Wow. I've heard stories about SWs like that, so I'm pretty blown away about hearing someone who's such a dingbat and so rude, too.
ReplyDeleteI hope it gets better!
Allie
Wow. I'm sorry it didn't go better, but once you have the homestudy done you can use whatever agency you want.
ReplyDeleteHoly cow! Wouldn't it be nice if we could give people like that a piece of our mind!? Thank goodness they can't read our minds at those moments. LOL Just keep telling yourself that all you have to do is get through this little "labor pain" and then you are one step closer to your baby (which will be a statistical miracle). :) Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteErica
Oh geez...what a day you had! She sounds like a true knucklehead. It's "virtually impossible to adopt an infant"?? What did she mean by that? Just get through this and hopefully you won't have to deal with her again. If I were you, I would see if I could request a different SW for post placement visits.
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog. Is it possible the agency is telling the women to yell rape to avoid needing the fathers to sign the TPR's. They can just say fathers unknown. I am a birthmother and I yelled rape, because I was afraid of what my parents would think, because I had sex. I didn't mean for it to be a easy way to get her adopted. Those are just my two cents.
ReplyDeleteHi birthmomtalks - I wondered if that wasn't that case. Especially since she has been a SW for 35 years. She was just really frustrating me criticizing the choices (in what I thought was an unprofessional manner) that my husband and I had spent a lot of time discussing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by! I'm glad for your input :-)
Wow! The homestudy was rough for us, too. We felt very criticized and judged by our SW. After the homestudy, she was simply awesome! She has been very supportive and great through the whole rest of the process. Maybe they do this to kind of weed people out? Who knows! I’m sorry you had to endure that!
ReplyDelete