Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Talked to a Birthmom!

Omgosh! I just talked to a birthmom on IM! It was surreal. What do you say? what do you ask? We chatted a little bit. She asked if we were with an agency or what. I explained to her what a homestudy is all about. Then she goes, "I'm going to be honest. The reason I chose adoption over termination is financial."

I replied, "Well, I'm new at this but I know our state only allows certain expenses to be paid".

She replies, "Ok, well I gotta get going."

And she was gone!

I don't feel bad about it. I'm actually excited because it means the things I've done to get us "out there" are working! I mean who know if this chick is actually pregnant or anything else but it give me hope!

Now, onto my interview. It was fine. Actually it was a waste of my time. Almost three hours of it. We have to meet with her once more. She has some things she needs to discuss with both of us. Plus she wondered why I hadn't given her the kids' medical statements. Um, maybe because you never asked for them? So now we have to get that done, too.

The next step is the reference letters. She's going to send them to some of the people we suggested but she likes to find people on her own, too. She wouldn't tell me what questions she was asking in the letter. I inquired what if they don't get returned. Will she let me know so I can remind them? Nope. Not telling me who she sends them to.

We should be done with all this stuff by the end of may. yay!


  1. Wow, working with your SW is like applying for an FBI job. Hmph. That would have made me mad about the birth mom you chatted with. No shame! But I guess if she looks at an unplanned pregnancy as a financial opportunity then she must have an extremely difficult life so I guess I just feel sorry for her, that baby and the family she eventually matches with. Birth moms like that are fuel for the fire of the anti-adoption trolls that stomp around the internet. :(

  2. Wow, that IM exchange was pretty weird. Unfortunately, there are some out there doing it for that reason, which backfires in states like yours and mine (AZ law states that any expense beyond $1K has to be reviewed by the court).

    Karen's expressed what I feel re the FBI, but it's just so weird. "she likes to find people on her own"?? What does that mean? She's going to look at your background check and pick randomly? This chick is bizarre.


  3. That would make me nervous that your SW is just picking randomly and won't tell you who she is choosing! I love our friends, but some are more articulate than others...hehe I work for the government and she is definitely going about reference checks the same way. I guess she's just doing her job. She would get on my nerves though, which I know she does to you.

    You'll get through this part of the process soon...do you have to use the same SW for post placement?

  4. E - I don't know if we have to use her or not. I'd think we would since she'd have conducted the study but I don't know.

    I'm the one that picked her. She's terrible. It really makes me nervous about making anymore adoption related decisions!

  5. I agree with everyone else. Your SW is not at all like the fellow who did our homestudy. And that she's going to choose her own people to use as references? That's just weird. But...it will all be over soon and you can move on to the real fun of WAITING!

    I would've been a little rattled by your IM conversation. Actually I am rattled by it. Like you said, who knows if she's even pregnant. There's a gal in our state who has been scamming adoptive families for years - is not pregnant and now wanted by the police. Hearing about her just made me much more cautious about the financial end of things. But...like you said, it means your networking has been working - a birth mom found you! Congratulations on that!